So…..my boyfriend and I broke up today. And before you stop reading, the point of this post isn’t to go on and on about how sad I am. I mean, of course I’m sad, but I’m doing a lot better than I would have predicted. Here…to give you an idea, I’ll compare what old Jen would have done in this situation, and what new Jen did.
Old Jen….well, she would have cried for hours, wondering what’s wrong with her, staring at herself in the mirror picking apart every facet of her appearance. Then she would have tortured herself by reading any sweet emails from the ex that she had saved, or looking at pictures of the two of them. By this point…the sadness would have filled up the entire room, and there would be nowhere left to go but down. And this is when she would start eating. It wouldn’t be a conscious choice….one second she would be blowing her nose into a Kleenex…the next she’s knee deep in a bucket of ice cream and surrounded by candy wrappers. It just seemed to happen like that. Almost like an emotional blackout, and you wake up with the evidence of your poor choices all around you. Of course, all of this eating would just make her feel worse….and as we all know, eating does nothing to change your emotions….it just pushes them down for awhile.
New Jen….well, I cried. And I felt sorry for myself. For about 10 minutes. And in those 10 minutes I really let myself feel it. I didn’t try to ignore the sadness….I really, really felt it. And then I let it go. This part might have been easier because I’ve known for awhile that this guy isn’t the one for me, but mostly I think it’s because of the changes I’ve undergone in the past few months. Eating didn’t occur to me. If someone had suggested getting a pint of ice cream I would have been like “what?!” Instead, I went for a run. And maybe it’s just the endorphins, but I’m happy. Yes…it sucks that we broke up. Yes…it really sucks that it happened the day before my birthday, but in the big picture of things, this will be a little blip on my radar, and now I can go on to bigger and better things.
I’m not saying I won’t cry again. I might. But it’s really nice to know that I have discovered a much better way to deal with my emotions…a way that doesn’t involve multiple trips to the fridge and even more guilt and sadness. So….that sucked, but I’ll get over it.